Tuesday 4 September 2007

FEEDBACK latecomer's perspectives on Mary

Feed-back re "Perspectives on Mary".
Abbot Raymond writes.
Dear Friends, I wish to share with you all the feed-back I received from William Wardle re. "Perspectives on Mary". It beautifully illustrates the irresistible bond God has created between each of us and our heavenly Mother. God bless, Fr Raymond
From William Wardle.
Dear Father Raymond,
I first came under the influence of Mary when I used to attend an Anglo-Catholic church. I was 30 years old, an Anglican. There was a beautiful statue of Mary, in front of which stood a branching candle holder. I kept feeling I wanted to know her and to have her look down on me, on my life, feeling that there was a deep love surrounding her. I earnestly desired to be part of 'her world': I knew instinctively that in her life, in her world, I would come to know Jesus more intimately. After several nervous, self-conscious attempts, I knelt before her and lit a candle to her honour. Immediately, I felt her eyes looking down upon me from within the life that surrounded her. I taught myself the Hail Mary (which I first heard on the lips of the Anglican priest in whose care I was considering my vocation). I didn't know her well but wanted simply to join my voice to all those who knew her, that she might know of my desire (the evening Angelus coincided with my arrival at home, only two hundred yards from the Catholic church). I was conscious that I had been introduced to the Mother of the One who, I believed, had invited me to meet her, the One whom I longed to call my best friend. This I still believe.

I found prayers in old prayer books (on the shelves of the second hand bookshop) that praised her, but, without a Catholic background, I couldn't understand them (Mary the Ark of the Covenant, the House of Gold, the Mystical Rose etc.). I was very much in awe of her major titles (Mother of God, Mary Immaculate etc) but all I could think of was that she was the Mother of the friend whose companionship I was seeking so earnestly, Jesus. Other titles I observed (Help of Christians, comfort of the afflicted, refuge of sinners etc) and whilst I was sure these all applied to her, these titles just made be feel a stranger amongst those who surrounded her. Following the priest's recommendation, it was St Francis de Sales who introduced me to the Catholic love for Our Lady, increasing my desire for devotion to her.

The elderly priest died, bidding me from his hospital bed to read Thomas Merton's "Seven Storey Mountain". I became a Catholic two years later... for I so desired to be fully in Mary's company and to receive Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament: through her I had come to recognise - and long for - Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I knew that I needed to receive His welcome into His Living Presence to there be properly introduced to, and received by, His Mother. I remember weeping in front of the Bishop when he proposed some distant date for my reception... he very kindly did not delay, and received Edith and I shortly afterwards in a private ceremony.

My Scripture reading began to reveal new avenues of faith. This came about through my visits to Nunraw (which I discovered upon completing Thomas Merton's final journal: I needed to continue his journal through my own experience): "Read the Scriptures", I was told when I asked concerning the best course of reading! I began to recognise the Mother of Jesus in the Salvation Story as it began to unfold before my eyes, in prophetic type and shadow down all the centuries till she is fully revealed as in all her glory as the Virgin of Nazareth: she was within the warp-threads of a great tapestry upon which I had begun to gaze in earnest.

But, on a personal basis, I was an adult, not a little child: it had come about that as if a traveller in a foreign town I had been received by her, but I remained uncertain of the language of devotion, very uncertain as to the protocol (for I was aware that she was far more than she at first gave me to understand): and, I felt very self-conscious to be received into her world for, unlike the children of her family, those who knew how to keep close to [their] Mother, I knew only that she had accepted me and had shown me that she knew [my] needs in a way that [I] didn’t: she knew that I had abandoned a desire to be ordained in the Anglican tradition because I had come to know her and to long for her Son within the intimacy of the Blessed Sacrament.

Truly, I could never let a day go by without invocation of her; without some moments at least of communion with her in prayer. And whilst I appreciate, and love to hear her many titles, I do not - even yet - feel accustomed to them, but love to hear them repeated. Her rosary brings me great joy and consolation, but I remain quite unable to accomplish (even) the praying of the Hail Mary in the time that is allowed in public, and so it is usually alone that I love to handle the beads... often failing to complete the stanzas and follow the intended set of meditations before being drawn away into meandering paths of contemplation. I know simply that I am welcome to call upon her, always in her home with Jesus, assured of her welcome: she often tells me where I have been and what I have been doing, of the dangers avoided through her intercession, letting me know that she has been watching over me ... even when I may not have remembered to call upon her. Perhaps most special to me is to observe the heavenly thread of her presence throughout the Scriptures; and I have found as the years pass that the more I come to know her Son, the closer I feel to her.
THANK YOU for causing me to give expression to something so precious to me.
With love in Our Lord,
William.

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